My Personal Truth

I remember sitting on the bus in middle school and this guy who was older than me told someone that when I started having sex I wouldn’t be able to stop. I was always very quiet, but I thought to myself, how could someone who didn’t know me say such a thing? He was in a sense, speaking over me.

I was kinda rebellious as a teen. I lost my virginity at the age of 14 and I had already been on most of the depression medications that were out at that time. I was in love with love and that led to a lot of heart ache. I even left home for a little while when I was 17 because my mother found a pregnancy test in my bathroom. It did not look like I would graduate from college. It did not look like I was a smart young lady. It did not look like I would amount to anything, but God saw different in me. I got saved for the first time when I was16. I did not understand God or how he operated. Even when I was saved? I just knew that I was on my way to hell. During that time, I battled depression a lot. I was out of it. My thoughts were all over the place and the person that I needed the most was not there for me. I wouldn’t call it church hurt, but I was hurt. I always longed to be popular, but I never was. I tried so hard to fit in, but I never did. In writing this particular blog post, my desire is not to come to you and be fake. I’m not trying to just tell you that Jesus loves you and you never understand why I’m doing it. I am a living proof that God saves. I’m not perfect, and every day I desire to be better than I was the day before ,but I still have moments in which I mess up. I need Jesus more than anything. He has dried every tear that I have ever shed. God loved me when I hated myself. God saw beauty in me when I thought I was ugly. God does love you and He desires to heal you. The reality is that you may never be able to go to the person who hurt you (lied on you, cheated on you, talked about you, raped you) but you can go to God. I am not what the world said I would be by the grace of God.

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Worship until I pass out!

Stop questing God about what is taking him so long to bless you and stop comparing you’re “come up” to how the people of the world are operating. God reigns on the just as well as the unjust (Matthew 5:45). Your” hard time” is meant to glorify your father in heaven! Let them look down on you, let them talk about you because guess what, God has some C4 (dunamis power, dynamite) ready that he is about to release on your behalf. You will walk in your destiny, but it will be in God’s timing. God is going to use you in the position that he will himself create for you, but first he has to train you to perform well on the Job. You have to be led by the ultimate Shepard so that he can teach you to have the gentleness, kindness, love and patience that you will need to have for the place that he is sending you. The money and the things will come, but right now you need to know how to sit at your father’s feet and worship. You are not mature enough for all the blessings that God has lined...

Let’s Talk About Sex

Tonight, I thought about sex. I thought about the beauty of it and I thought about the reasons that God created it. Sex can be beautiful and pleasurable, but sex can also be very dangerous if you don’t know the truth behind it. As a young girl, no one sat down with me and talked to me about sex. I never got the “protect yourself” talk and I never got a real run down about what people will do just to have sex with you. I lost my virginity at the age of 14. I didn’t even really know the guy, but I thought that I would spend the rest of my life with him because that was the story that he sold me. I don’t blame him, and I don’t resent him for anything anymore, but I wish that I had been wiser and that I understood the value of what I was giving away. In my 20s I learned that sex is not only physical, but it is spiritual also. I learned what soul ties were and I began to understand why it was so hard for me to break away from people after the “relationship” had ended. I ha...

Pass The Test

People have a tendency of telling me that I am nice. Some people say that I am too nice and other people attempt to take advantage of my niceness and mistake it for weakness. The truth is that I am really not that that great, I just get convicted. I cannot treat people any way that I want to and receive the things that God has for me. I cannot kick your cat just because you kicked my dog. There are many instances where I have to apologize, work on my heart, and repent instead of blaming other people for how I feel they treat me. “For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart”. (1 Samuel 16:7) I cannot go before the Lord with a filthy heart and truly believe that he is going to bless me. You have to know who you are in Jesus regardless of how people treat you and you have to respond with wisdom and with the heart of Christ. “Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I...

Waiting for the Promise vs. Moving in Impatience

“Then Abraham fell on his face and laughed, and said in his heart, “Shall a child be born to a man who is one hundred years old? And shall Sarah, who is ninety years old, bear a child? ” And Abraham said to God, “Oh, that Ishmael might live before You!” Then God said: “No, Sarah your wife shall bear you a son, and you shall call his name Isaac; I will establish My covenant with him for an everlasting covenant, and with his descendants after him” ( Genesis 17: 17-19 NKJV). Isaac was desired, but Ismael was birthed out of impatience. If God told you that you were going to birth something beautiful, no matter what your season may look like, bank on the Lord’s promises. Your Ishmael does not have to be a man, your Ishmael can be an opportunity. Don’t walk into just any ole thing because you got tired of waiting on God. If God promised you something in 2016 and you didn’t see it in 2017, that does not mean that He forgot about what He promised you. Isaac had a set season and ...

Kairos:God’s Opportune Time Table

There are moments and seasons that are not defined by man or their opinions. In those moments “their” opinions don’t matter, your background does not matter, and your last name does not matter. Those moments are the ones that define your destiny and triumph over your past. Those seasons are the ones that you are born to walk in and nothing can steal them away from you. That moment and that season is specified as being your kairos moment. Your life, your destiny, your ministry, and your purpose are all in your kairos moment. Everything that you are and ever will be, boils down to that moment. Your kairos moment cannot be defined, manipulated, or determined by man because it is a moment that is determined by God alone. King David was the underdog. He was the youngest and most different when compared to his brothers. Even the prophet Samuel could not identify God’s chosen vessel in the flesh because God had to reveal to him who the next king would be. Being alone and being the u...

You Are Not Alone: Wilderness Chronicles pt.2

“But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness and came and sat down under a juniper tree: and he requested for himself that he might die; and said, It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers” (1 Kings:19;4 KJV). The wilderness is a different place to different people. Some people consider the wilderness to be a dry place full of nothing. Other people may consider the wilderness to be a situation. Whatever you consider your wilderness to be, know that you are not alone. The devil uses the wilderness to isolate you, but God uses the wilderness to teach you, advance you, equip you, and then eventually release you out (or back) into your purpose. God can also use the wilderness to refresh you. Elijah was an awesome man of God. He literally prayed down fire and he went against kings in the name of the Lord. Elijah was bold, but he was also human. On one particular occasion, Elijah went into the wilderness after an encounter he had wi...

Why I won’t date

So many women define themselves by their relationship status. I used to be one of those women. It didn’t matter if that man cheated on me, lied to me, or insulted me; I was not going to leave him. I needed a relationship to make me feel beautiful and wanted, but at the same time I knew that the men that I was trying to make love me were not ordained for me. Women don’t consider that word, ORDAINED. It’s easy for a man to make us feel loved, wanted, less lonely and desired, but that man cannot make us feel full. That is what I need in my life, fullness. I understand that God is my husband and that my fairy tale love story has to begin with him before I bring a man into the mix. You see, marriage is a union. You become one with your husband. You live with him, you love him, you worship with him and you fight (spiritually) with him. The not so tricky thing about the before mentioned aspects of marriage is that all of those things have to begin in your singleness. I have a tendency...

Welcome Back!!!!

“And he arose and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him. And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son. But the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet: And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it ; and let us eat, and be merry: For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry. ” (Luke 15:20-24 KJV) Would it be fair to take a look at the notion that perhaps the prodigal son’s mistakes made him a little wiser than the son that stayed with his father? The son who did what he was supposed to do seemed pretty perfect for the most part. He seemed like a guy who did what his dad said and learned all that he was supposed to learn in order to manage what his father ...

Can You Praise the Lord in Prison?

“Around midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening” (Acts 16:25 NLT). Paul and Silas were some bad boys! Can you imagine doing the right thing and being locked up because of it? These men had a freedom that the people they encountered needed to see because they were not bound although others could visibly see the chains that had been placed on them. They did not misrepresent Christ because of their circumstances and they did not try to give up serving Him because of the predicament that they had found themselves in. ~~~~~ Stop being mad at God because things do not go the way that you expect them to. ~~~~~ “ And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). Paul and Silas knew who their God was and they knew that He was going to come through for them no matter what their situation looked like. They knew enough about God...

Janina B.

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