“Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness’. ‘So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong’” (2 Corinthians 12:8-10).
I can’t tell you how many times I spoke through tears. The tears where not because of emotions, but because of the searing shocks caused by Trigeminal Neuralgia.
Trigeminal Neuralgia is a condition that causes intense pain, usually affecting one side of the face. It is a rare disorder that affects less than 1 percent of the population. I happen to be in that 1 percent. The pain from this disorder feels like shocks that are auditioning for a lightning storm show. The pain is sudden, debilitating, unpredictable, and unseen. On the outside, you look fine, but the inside of you is screaming for help as tears speak what your words cannot always verbalize due to pain.
The trigeminal nerve is located close to the ear. There are 3 branches, nerves that travel to various areas of your face to your brain. Each branch, and its nerves, are powerful in their attacks, lasting from a few seconds to a few minutes that feel as if hours have passed.
I’ve had four trigeminal neuralgia attacks, three that stole my voice and my ability to eat because the pain was out here acting like it pays rent.
For the longest time, nobody knew what I was dealing with. I mastered the art of hiding in plain sight, smiling, disappearing for a bit, then coming back like nothing happened. Meanwhile, I was privately fighting for my life over a piece of bread and a facial nerve that apparently wakes up every day choosing violence.
Like Paul, I prayed. I have sought God on this. I carry strong gifts. I love deeply, discern deeply, and pour out immensely, but pain has a way of humbling you.
Trigeminal neuralgia has interrupted conversations, taken away my ability to open my mouth during attacks, and forced me into hidden battles that I invited no one into. All the while, I was still counseling and telling those I counsel why I pause when I talk, hoping that they would give me the grace to understand.
I got to a place where I stopped hiding and still served God despite the pain, to show the devil that I will not allow him to keep me silent. I stopped thinking that I was alone and chose to believe that others cared about me and the pain.
I choose strength instead of isolation.
My personal desire was to wait to talk about this disorder, but I felt an urgency to do so. This condition, because of how painful it is, carries the name ‘suicide disease’. I feel led to reach the person who has this rare disorder to let them know that they are not alone or unseen.
Even though the pain comes in swinging like a
WWE wrestler, God is bigger and stronger, loaded with bullets of faith that never miss its target.
“When the enemy comes in like a flood, The Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against him”
(Isaiah 59:19b NKJV).
What do you do when you become Paul? You trust God through the flares, knowing that His grace is sufficient for you.
I know your pain. I know your silence, and I know your screams. I know your thoughts, and I know your isolation. I also know that God’s grace is
sufficient for you. I encourage you to know that God is close, and that He cares about you.
Lord, I pray that You will enter the moment where the reader of this testimony is right now. Cover them, comfort them, speak to them, and surround them with Your love.
Lord, give them Your thoughts and Your strength. Help them to remain hopeful and allow them to express their emotions in a pain-free manner. I pray that they experience Your presence in a real and personal way.
God, visit them. Wipe the tears from their eyes and give them joy despite the pain that has tried to steal
it from them. I pray encouragement over them and peace over their minds.
Lord, align their emotions with those of Jesus Christ.
Remind them that they are not alone, not forgotten, and not abandoned. Let them rest in the assurance that it is well. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
I love you Nina
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