The Heart Matters

Nobody gets into a relationship ready to support someone as they go through a heart transplant. Boyfriend and girlfriend titles have no vows. You’re in it for as long as it lasts and hopefully it leads to more; but what if something changes? What if your attraction to that person did not change, but how you are attracted to them did? Suppose you wanted to love them differently then you did before? Suppose your heart changed and theirs did not?
Whenever I emotionally opened up to a guy (pre Jesus),we went together, period. There were no ifs, ands,or buts, we were a couple. I didn’t understand the importance of protecting who I would become because I never wanted to become anything independently from someone else, if that makes since. I allowed myself to waste years on 2 separate occasions , but the last time was different. In that season, God was in motion and I fought it for a while. I got to a place where I wanted God and he did not. My heart changed and he remained the same.
“Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert” (Isaiah 43:19).
If you have ever been in surgery, you know that you can’t fight anesthesia. You have no choice but to go with the flow of that medication. My process, at the time, was one that I had to flow with. My flesh still craved things that my heart no longer wanted. I had a heart transplant.
I had to learn that no matter how bad you may want to, you cannot change the heart of another person to match the new heart that you receive from Jesus. You get to a place where a choice has to made. A fight happens between your flesh and the Spirit; the new and the old. You have to choose to grow or remain stagnant and unproductive. I’m no where near perfect, but I’m also not as fragmented as I used to be. I was comfortably broken. I knew that I needed a change and God provided for me in that place.
“Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me” (Psalm 51:10).
A heart transplant is a necessary part of growth and some old things have to go out with that old heart.
“Come now, and let us reason together,” Says the LORD, “Though your sins are like scarlet, They shall be as white as snow; Though they are red like crimson, They shall be as wool”. ( Isaiah 1:18).
God was putting people and places in my path in order to shift my heart towards His and for a while, I resisted. I wanted to hang on to my comfort zone, but God had other plans for my life. I allowed myself to become content with scrapes when God wanted to give me a large portion. I was wounded, but I was also afraid to be healed.
On my walk with Jesus, I have learned who He is to me. As you walk with Jesus, you will learn who He is you. The hard seasons made me who I am at this moment. God guarded me, listened to me, spoke to me, comforted me, and loved me through my process.
When you are confronted with the opportunity to receive a new heart, I get that it can be hard to let go of the past and I get that it can be difficult to let go of the pain that you have grown to call comfort, but your new is at stake. Your new beginning, your clean slate, your vision and your future is on line. Consider this,is holding on to what hinders you worth allowing your destiny to waste away? Allow God to do what He desires to do in your heart even when you don’t understand. Trust the process and know that your ending will be a good one.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart,and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths” ( Psalm 3:5-6).
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end” (Jeremiah 29:11.

Lord, In Jesus name, I pray to not fight my own healing. I pray to be focused on you and to not allow distractions to keep me from the call that you have placed on my life. Lord, I pray for a clean heart. I pray to be a woman who is a faithful repenter. Lord, I thank you that I am not who I used to be. I thank you that you never changed even when I revisited my sins. I thank you for this journey in you and I am grateful Lord. Please continue the work that you are doing in me. In Jesus name I pray, amen.

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Janina B.

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