Janina B.

I am in a place that I don’t quite understand, but it’s a place that I need to be in. I am in a place in which I feel as if I have to go backwards in order to move forward. Most people say, “I never go backward, I only look ahead”, but in some cases, it is necessary in order for you to survive in the land that God wants to place you in. That land is a place of healthy relationships and emotional stability. Most of us have a tendency to operate in dysfunction and not even know it. It’s not healthy to want to avoid men and not understand why. It’s not healthy to always be in conflict with other people. It’s not healthy to hate correction. It’s not healthy to hate your family members and to walk in offense. It’s not healthy to avoid intimate relationships with the people that God sends to be builders in the repairing of you. Let me ask you something; who tainted you? Who touched you the wrong way? Who broke your heart, insulted you, and left you in a spiritually dead place? Who st

I’m not obsessed, but I’ve been thinking about marriage a lot more lately. As a Christian, I’ve learned where I went wrong concerning my standards of dating before I knew Jesus. I have been looking at the profile pages of exes to see if, perhaps, I was missing something. I’m happy to report that I am not. I more so found myself thanking God for what He didn’t allow. Even though I’m thankful for every failed relationship, I find myself encountering the hurt that still remains as a result of my insecurities. There is so much that I have not let go of. In a way,I’m afraid to let go of the hurt that I am carrying because that vacant spot could potentially attract more pain in its place. I want to trust people, but the fear of them knowing who I intimately am always gets in my way.                 I so badly desire God and everything that He has for me, but the past is a hinderance. I feel as if I should finally forgive those that misused me, but “what if they hurt me” is a thought

Nobody gets into a relationship ready to support someone as they go through a heart transplant. Boyfriend and girlfriend titles have no vows. You’re in it for as long as it lasts and hopefully it leads to more; but what if something changes? What if your attraction to that person did not change, but how you are attracted to them did? Suppose you wanted to love them differently then you did before? Suppose your heart changed and theirs did not? Whenever I emotionally opened up to a guy (pre Jesus),we went together, period. There were no ifs, ands,or buts, we were a couple. I didn’t understand the importance of protecting who I would become because I never wanted to become anything independently from someone else, if that makes since. I allowed myself to waste years on 2 separate occasions , but the last time was different. In that season, God was in motion and I fought it for a while. I got to a place where I wanted God and he did not. My heart changed  and he remained the same.